Everything begins and ends in our minds, doesn’t it? All the decisions we make, actions we take, every step we take each day is guided by our brains. So it only makes sense that our brains govern how happy we are. You’re probably thinking “Well duh Tiffany. What are you trying to get at here?” Well, what I’m trying to say is that we make a conscious choice each day, whether or not we are going to be happy.
Think about that for a moment. We choose whether or not we are happy every single day. It’s that simple.
When we’re pissed off at that coworker for not sending a follow up email we asked them to, or our kids for acting out in public again, we make a choice on how we react to that situation. Our brains decide if we are going to let their actions ruin our day, or if we’re going to choose to rise above it and take the high road.
External circumstances have a way of dictating how we’re going to feel at any given moment. “So and so has a brand new Mercedes and I can’t afford anything better than a Kia and I’m so poor and oh my life is so terrible because I have no money and can’t buy xzy..blah blah blah”…and on and on. When we’re constantly surrounded by falsified reference points that are showing us what we don’t have, vs all the great things that we do have, we tend to get down on ourselves and then comes the pity party and the miserable mood. We start comparing our life to others, even Hollywood. What we fail to realize is that we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg, what they want us to see, not all the crap that’s lurking under the water. We are comparing our under the water, to their tip of the iceberg.
What I’ve come to learn is that happiness is only derived from within. It doesn’t come from material possessions, or my husband, or my child, or honestly even God. It’s a state of mind. I create my own happiness. “Stuff” happens to all of us. It’s how you choose to deal with that stuff that will determine how you view life. Your life is your doing. It either sucks because of something you did or did not do, or because you choose to wallow in the sucky things that happen to you. OR even better, your life is awesome because you celebrate the great things that happen and learn from the bad. Your past may have influenced who you are up to this point, but you are responsible for who you are from this point on. I’ve said it before in this post, you can choose to own it or not. Whatever you choose to do is probably a good indicator of what your outlook on life is. We are all self made. Do you want to be the self made negative person, or the self made positive person who has an awesome outlook on life and is just genuinely happy.
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Letting go of the past can be hard for some, and it’s a big part of why many people are unhappy. They are stuck in the past and can’t get over how they were wronged by this person, or how this bad thing happened that ruined their whole life. There are so many examples of people out there who could be very unhappy people, and we would totally understand because of the unfortunate circumstances they have been faced with. But usually those are some of the happiest people. They’ve set their mind to overcome the past and focus on the future and they understand that life has so much to offer, so why just sit around having a pity party for years upon years.
I challenge you to keep a daily journal. Journaling has helped me have a more positive outlook on my life, and it’s shown me that only I have control over how I view things. Yes there are factors that weigh into my life and how I live it (my husband, daughter, job situations, income, etc.), but I am the one who controls how those things affect my happiness. I can be unhappy that we don’t live in the exact city I want to, or I can be happy that our mortgage payment is less than most people’s rent in this area. I can get down that we can’t afford to take a lot of trips this year, or I can be excited that we’re paying down our debt and are so close to the end of our debt free journey!
It’s all about your outlook. And the state of mind you live in.
I choose happiness. What do you choose?
All this is so true! It’s something we all “know” and have heard many times, but it really takes an “ah-ha!” moment to really GET it. In addition to letting things go, I think so many people don’t realize that they have the power to make themselves happy. For example: A girlfriend is waiting on her boyfriend to commit to her. He’s not ready yet. She was ready years ago. If all she does is complain to her friends how miserable she is because he wont commit, she doesn’t realize she has the power to walk away and find someone who IS ready. She’s too concerned with getting him to change. Nuh-ugh girlfriend! That’s not how you get happy! I fee like so many people know this saying without realizing what it truly means, you know? Thanks for the post and the reminder!
I was just talking about this with my sister yesterday and honestly can’t agree more!! We choose to wake up every day and the state in which we choose to greet the day is about us not anything else – there are outside factors that certainly affect it, but we are in charge of our happiness and it’s a small reminder but such an important one! xo, biana –BlovedBoston
I am a firm believer that keeping a gratitude journal really does help. Writing down 1-3 things that I was grateful for that day, helps retrain your brain to think about the positives instead of focusing on the negatives.
Thanks for the reminder. I need to get my journal back out. 🙂
Tiffany,
I really love your positive outlook in life. You are an amazing writer. I am very happy for you with your new adventure and new “job”. Enjoy every minute of it with little A. Let me know how things go. We still need to have that play date :).
I definitely choose happiness. I’m a firm believer in creating your own attitude, but every now and then I get sidetracked. It’s friends like you and the foundation I’ve laid for myself to get back on track. We are responsible for our reactions, plain and simple. Thanks for the reminder, Tiffany!
Well said and I definitely choose happiness!
I have moments (okay like a day or two) when I wallow. However, I usually bounce back quickly because I tell myself, this is ridiculous, I’m not going to feel any batter if I keep wallowing. So I stop wallowing and then lo and behold, things turn around.
Yes, I too, choose happiness. It’s a choice we get to make frequently throughout the day. Why let the guy who flipped the bird at you while driving ruin your day. Smile, wave, and move on. Kids are in a mood… why be in a mood with them?!
Great post and a wonderful reminder my friend.
xoxo
ahh, girl! you got it right on here. i really try to be positive all the time, but i sometimes catch myself in a bad moment and need to take a step back to refresh. we all get those moments, but this is such a great reminder to take your happiness into your own hands. your life and happiness is what you make it!! XO
Loooove! It’s crazy and hard to believe that it REALLY IS that simple. Just making the choice. Sometimes I choose to wallow in the bad or negative and it never pays off for me. I agree too about the journaling, that helps me tremendously. Journaling is like free therapy.
Well said girl! It’s sometimes super easy to dwell on the bad and letting go of the past can’t be incredibly difficult but you just have to choose to be happy even when you don’t always want to be!
<3, Pamela
Sequins & Sea Breezes
Thanks Pamela! Yes, we all have times when we dwell, but if we can quickly turn it around then we are usually so much happier in our lives.
This is so true! Our mind makes up our emotions and we have the power to choose! Despite circumstances, despite the weather and despite what obstacles come in the way. We have the power to always choose happy. Love this reminder!
We really do have a choices to make and we are more in control than we think. I especially agree that we are socially directed to look at the wrong things as if they will make us happy. I also impressed that you said that it was not the others in your life that made you happy. i have one reservation however. So called negative emotions have been classed that way by our society but sadness, loss, grief, anger are all natural emotions that if we deny become a problem for us. Having worked with many people over the years who are trying so hard to be happy, I would say that what we need to do at any point in time is acknowledge our own feelings. that way we move through them naturally rather than being stuck with them. Having said that there are a lot of times when we do need to step back and have a reality check with ourselves and realise what we have, what we have within and realise we have control over how to react . Thank you for sharing. It was very thought provoking. Kirsten
I love this post. Your spirit just radiates! I also find that when I assume good intentions, my day is immediately better. If I get a text that rubs me the wrong way, or I misinterpret a comment, just assuming their intentions were good really changes perspective!
This is so true Tiffany! The old cliche says, “your attitude determines your altitude”. It’s amazing how much our thoughts influence our behavior. I know that is one reason I try to spend time in my Bible before the day gets too far along. I want to have those encouraging words from God fresh in my head. This gives me an everlasting joy regardless of my circumstances or thoughts. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to chose happiness. Have a wonderful weekend!
This has been my life philosophy for so long. Choosing happiness is a tough task, but something that is so worth it. You’re right, Tiffany, we may not control everything, but we control how we react to what’s thrown at us. And it’s up to us to see it as half glass full or empty.
I used to teach at a middle school, and to end every morning announcement, we used to say, “Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours…” It’s always stuck with me, and something I wanted to instill with my students (and now that I’m out of that environment) to my daughter too. In life, there’s always a choice; the trick is to make the right one for you.
Thank you for a beautiful post and for hosting us on Shine Blog Hop. I’m so glad you’re back with us!
That’s a great life philosophy to have Maria! It can be hard at times, but so much more rewarding than choosing to be unhappy all the time.
I love that you ended each announcement with that! I 100% believe it to be true.