I honestly didn’t know what to title this post. What do you title a post when you’re thinking “Why the heck have I been feeling like I want another baby when I know I don’t want another kid?” Yeah. Now you see my dilemma with the title.
But I digress.
These last few weeks that dang biological clock has started ticking in me again. The clock I thought had completely run out of batteries. The clock I was basically forcing myself not to ever look at or listen to again. I was pretty dang sure I did not want another child. I posted about this last year, when I was convinced we would not have another baby. I gave lots of reasons in the post as to why I don’t want another child, and many of those still apply today. In fact, even the thought of having another person to take care of scares the poo out of me. So then why have I been feeling like I want to be pregnant again?!
I HATED being pregnant. Yes I know, it’s the miracle of life; you’re growing a human in your body (still so crazy to me). But I hated my body changing. I hated being out of breath all the time. I hated gaining weight. I cried and cried in my OBs office one time when I gaind 5 pounds between appointments because I thought he was going to be upset with me, (completely illogical, and he was not at all upset with me of course) and I thought it was too much weight to gain in a 2 week period. I cringed looking at the scale every moring. And no, you can’t say “just don’t look at it.” Because that is not something I can do. I have a slight obsession with my weight.
So why am I so up and down about having another baby when I really don’t feel like I want another child? Why do those hormones have to kick in and make me long for the feeling of a baby inside my belly? I just don’t understand.
And I don’t know what to do. We are in a really good place right now. We’re paying off our debt, we’re saving, and we are having so much fun with Little A. Why would I want to throw a wrench in the mix and bring a baby into our perfectly happy family of 3? Plus I know my part time gig isn’t going to last forever. We’ve been so fortunate to have the flexible schedule we do with my job. I don’t want a 2nd child to get the shaft and not get the quality time like Little A did (and still does).
I know this is sort of a rambling post, but that’s how I’m feeling right now; constant thoughts going on in my head around this topic. I’ve been bringing it up to my hubby a lot, and I’m sure he’s sick of hearing about it, but I want to know if he wants another child or not. He says he doesn’t know; he says sort of. But I haven’t gotten a firm yes or no out of him. We both always thought we’d have 2 kids, but then when Little A came along and was a bit of a difficult baby, we both were opposed to the idea of a 2nd child. But as she’s gotten older and more manageable I think we both are feeling like a 2nd child is doable. Well, maybe for Huebie it is, but I’m the one who does most of the work when it comes to the whole carrying a baby, pushing it out, recovering, getting my body back, post baby care, etc.
And it’s so easy with just one right now. One child is very portable and I’m never outnumbered, which is a huge fear I have. I like just having one to look after.
So……I guess I’m not any closer to making a decision on another baby, but that clock still keeps on ticking, and my mind still keeps thinking. So I guess right now I’ll stick with “we’ll see.”
Any other mom’s out there with only one child? What made you decide to have one, two or even three or more children?