I honestly didn’t know what to title this post. What do you title a post when you’re thinking “Why the heck have I been feeling like I want another baby when I know I don’t want another kid?” Yeah. Now you see my dilemma with the title.
But I digress.
These last few weeks that dang biological clock has started ticking in me again. The clock I thought had completely run out of batteries. The clock I was basically forcing myself not to ever look at or listen to again. I was pretty dang sure I did not want another child. I posted about this last year, when I was convinced we would not have another baby. I gave lots of reasons in the post as to why I don’t want another child, and many of those still apply today. In fact, even the thought of having another person to take care of scares the poo out of me. So then why have I been feeling like I want to be pregnant again?!
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I HATED being pregnant. Yes I know, it’s the miracle of life; you’re growing a human in your body (still so crazy to me). But I hated my body changing. I hated being out of breath all the time. I hated gaining weight. I cried and cried in my OBs office one time when I gaind 5 pounds between appointments because I thought he was going to be upset with me, (completely illogical, and he was not at all upset with me of course) and I thought it was too much weight to gain in a 2 week period. I cringed looking at the scale every moring. And no, you can’t say “just don’t look at it.” Because that is not something I can do. I have a slight obsession with my weight.
So why am I so up and down about having another baby when I really don’t feel like I want another child? Why do those hormones have to kick in and make me long for the feeling of a baby inside my belly? I just don’t understand.
And I don’t know what to do. We are in a really good place right now. We’re paying off our debt, we’re saving, and we are having so much fun with Little A. Why would I want to throw a wrench in the mix and bring a baby into our perfectly happy family of 3? Plus I know my part time gig isn’t going to last forever. We’ve been so fortunate to have the flexible schedule we do with my job. I don’t want a 2nd child to get the shaft and not get the quality time like Little A did (and still does).
I know this is sort of a rambling post, but that’s how I’m feeling right now; constant thoughts going on in my head around this topic. I’ve been bringing it up to my hubby a lot, and I’m sure he’s sick of hearing about it, but I want to know if he wants another child or not. He says he doesn’t know; he says sort of. But I haven’t gotten a firm yes or no out of him. We both always thought we’d have 2 kids, but then when Little A came along and was a bit of a difficult baby, we both were opposed to the idea of a 2nd child. But as she’s gotten older and more manageable I think we both are feeling like a 2nd child is doable. Well, maybe for Huebie it is, but I’m the one who does most of the work when it comes to the whole carrying a baby, pushing it out, recovering, getting my body back, post baby care, etc.
And it’s so easy with just one right now. One child is very portable and I’m never outnumbered, which is a huge fear I have. I like just having one to look after.
So……I guess I’m not any closer to making a decision on another baby, but that clock still keeps on ticking, and my mind still keeps thinking. So I guess right now I’ll stick with “we’ll see.”
Any other mom’s out there with only one child? What made you decide to have one, two or even three or more children?
I also hate being pregnant. I have 5 kids! The choice I learned was not about me, but about them. That feeling to have more is real and should not be ignored. Sacrifice imo is the greatest way to show love. It’s what make great relationships and long marriage. It’s what having children is all about. There is nothing harder than having children but the rewards are immeasurable. What are you willing to scrafice in order to have lasting happiness? Now, I also believe that both spouses should be on board when it comes to children. Pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do leads to resentment.
Oh wow! 5 kids seems so overwhelming to me! How do you do it all?!
You do make some really great points Tina, and those are things I think about all the time as well. Especially having both parents on board; that’s HUGE!
Thanks for your insights!
xoxo
I also hate being pregnant. I have 5 kids! The choice I learned was not about me, but about them. That feeling to have more is real and should not be ignored. Sacrifice imo is the greatest way to show love. It’s what make great relationships and long marriage. It’s what having children is all about. There is nothing harder than having children but the rewards are immeasurable. What are you willing to scrafice in order to have lasting happiness? Now, I also believe that both spouses should be on board when it comes to children. Pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do leads to resentment.
Oh dear. I struggled with this a bit as well. There were a few reasons which contributed to having a second child (try not to think I’m crazy here):
– I was an only child and hated it. My parents didn’t have my little brother until I was 18, so I was already out of the house when I finally had a sibling. My childhood memories are very lonely ones.
– I was worried that if anything happened to my only daughter that I would be devastated and wouldn’t be able to handle it (I know, I told you, It’s sounds crazy).
– If anything happened to my husband and I, I wanted my children to at least have siblings to connect with.
That being said, my first child was so easy to care for. My second child… not so much. My first pregnancy was easy… my second pregnancy, awful! My husband and I often say if we had our first child first, we probably would have only had the one.
Anyway, I’ve rambled. Do what feels right for you and your family.
xoxo
PS – My husband got snipped… our family ends at two!
There were points of my first pregnancy that I hated, but I know part of it was it being new and me being so all over the place and worried for no apparent reason lol. I’ve known I always wanted at least 2 kids and now maybe 3. 🙂 You are a woman and mothering is something that we were created to do so don’t be hard on yourself for starting to feel like it’s something you want. You see how the planning can get in the way of life sometimes? LOL. Sometimes, we’re not always meant to know beforehand how things will work out. You would be a great mom of 2. I’m sure you all will figure out what you want to do or you will do like us and just let it happen one day hehe.
I always wanted 2 kids as well. I think having a difficult pregnancy and a difficult baby changed that for me a bit. But you’re right, we have that instinct and need for a reason. I think I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself and just let it go. My mind could use the break, ha! 🙂
xoxo