As women, we are always comparing. Comparing our homes, our wardrobes, our husband’s jobs, our own jobs. “Wow, I wish my house looked like that.” Or, “How does she manage to makeover her whole home, spend time with her kids and husband, work 40 hours a week and have time to sleep and enjoy life?!” Even if it’s just a fleeting moment, those thoughts cross our minds often. And in the world of blogging, it’s even more prevalent. You see pretty people and pretty homes all. the. time. It’s hard to feel like you can stand out as an individual when it’s all been done. It’s all been cooked, baked, painted and styled. And then you wonder if your recipe for banana nut bread will be as good as xyz blogger. Ugh. It’s just an exhausting cycle.
But all we see is what the camera shows. Behind the curtain there may be a cluttered, messy room, a marriage in trouble or financial hardship. We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes; we only see what they want us to see. Even knowing that, it’s hard to stop comparing.
I look around me right now and see toys on the floor, unfolded blankets on the chairs and children’s books strewn about. I continually judge myself and my shortcomings. I never think my home is good enough, or my recipes are tasty enough. I don’t think my posed blog photos are enough. I never think I’m enough. I’m not a good enough wife, mother, friend. I’m just not enough. And like I said, throw in media and beautiful bloggers and you’re just overwhelmed.
But my family is happy. And we live within our means. And we love. We may not have the perfect everything, but really, who does? And really, who is perfect? We all have our shortcomings. It’s being able to look past all our faults and see that we are enough. To find true happiness within.
I don’t know where I heard this but it rings so true for me right now. “You should only try to be better than the person you were yesterday.” Because really, that’s who we should be comparing ourselves to. Who we were yesterday may not be who we are today and each and every day I want to be better than I was the day before. Does it always happen? Heck no. But I keep on trying. And at the end of the day that’s what’s important.
This post turned into something different than I originally intended, but hey, sometimes that happens when you just start typing. Yesterday my friend Jennifer wrote a post entitled “To the Mom Who Thinks She’s not Enough.” Which is really funny because I’ve had this post in draft for months and have been working on it for the last few days. I guess I’m not the only one who often feels like it’s important for us to let our fellow mothers, friends, bloggers know that you are enough. Because you are. Don’t ever forget that.
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On a different note, my sweet friend Joey wrote an e-book! The girl is just an amazing writer. And right now Yeah, Maybe is on sale for $1.99 on Amazon! You can also click the book cover photo at the top of my sidebar.
Here’s a little blurb from the book:
For quiet, reserved, and focused 15 year old Annie Mackey, school was a sanctuary. But when her bubbly and beautiful neighborhood best friend joins her at Willow Point High for freshman year, her world is turned upside down.
Everything Annie could count on for stability is shattered, and she’s left feeling more alone than ever before.
Just when she’s about to lose all hope, someone unexpected swoops in and gives her a much needed lesson in perspective.
I cannot wait to read this book! Pick it up on sale now through the 28th.
Happy Tuesday love bugs!
This. Yep. Exactly. High five.
I totally believe that comparison is the thief of joy. But, I also believe that happiness is based on our circumstance and JOY is based on our hope and trust in the Lord. Although we might have bad days, and cry, with joy – we always have hope!
Love that Caroline! Joy is based on hope. Always love your positivity!
Absolutely love this post!!! I always try to remind myself that instagram is not real life…it’s usually staged to look pretty LOL! xo, Biana – BlovedBoston
So true 🙂 I constantly compare myself. What I’ve learned over the years is that honestly, we aren’t enough because we are human, but God IS enough. Because of His love for us and His sacrifice for us, we are made whole. We can never do anything to “deserve” it, but he offers it to us and makes us whole through His redemption. Thank goodness because I sure as heck know that I’m not perfect!
Yes to this entire post! Sometimes I think blogging does make it extra hard at times, but this is such a good reminder 🙂 And I loved Joey’s book!
Loved this!! All so true 🙂 I try to compare myself more and more to the person I waS yesterday as you said… It’s all about personal growth and comparing yourself to others but brings you down. Ain’t nobody got time for that 😉
Exactly! Be inspired by others, but don’t compare. We only see such a small glimpse into other peoples lives.
Yes exactly! It’s so hard not to in the blogging world, but we never know what’s behind that lens.
I love this Tiffany and it’s so true. I think being in the blogging/social media world makes comparison much more real and tempting.
Comparison robs us of our joy though and rightfully so because God didn’t make us to be like so-and-so… he made us to one-of-a-kind.
Thanks for sharing (and for mentioning my post). I’m delighted that it resonated with you and so flattered that you shared it.
xoxo
Love you Tiffy!
This Joey person sure has a lot of blogging friends… Or a consistent marketing strategy.
But to your post, YES. All of it, yes! And I’ve determined it never really goes away. Even if you redesign your blog or you reach your IG follower goal for the month, you (and by you, I mean myself) constantly look at other, more popular bloggers and think, “Dang. I’m never going to get to that level.” Or even worse, you think “What the heck is she doing that I”m not?! How have I NOT reached her level yet?!” And that’s when the comparisons get really ugly, and you simply need to shut your laptop and do something else for a bit.
Girl, I hear you on this. It’s so hard not to compare ourselves. And in my experience–the ones who have everything ‘all together’ in front of the camera are the ones who most are most likely falling apart behind the lens. <3
I become so unhappy when I start looking around me at others…and when I just focus on ME and MY FAMILY, it all goes away. It’s so easy for me to become distracted and start looking around, which leads to feelings of inadequacy so quickly, and like you said in the blogging world the look of perfection is EVERYWHERE. I’m glad you wrote this post and shared that you feel the same way. I think a lot of us forget that other women feel the same way and somehow it makes us all feel better knowing that we aren’t alone in these feelings of inadequacy. Great post, Tiffany <3
Great and moving post. I think every single woman compares, it’s pushed upon on to do so from media, magazines, internet, real life, and blogs ever since we are little girls, but as long as we are the honest ones, honest in what we post and honest with ourselves without living in a daydream,… then we are a step ahead. I try my best to be honest and true in everything I put up on my blog and Instgram, etc… I am the first to pick out my own flaws, which EVERYONE has, but we also have to love some imperfection(s) to get through this crazy world. Ever since I had a boy, I have learned to laugh at myself a lot more and let go some, because, I don’t want my son to think that being “perfect” is the only way. We all have our moments, imperfections and moods, but it’s all in the ways we handle the outcome and flaws that can motivate us more and makes us SHINE! There will always be a hotter girl or a better house, but when we learn to love ourselves and what we are already blessed with = out heart smiles in ways that are amazing. That is true content and happiness!! Peaceful too.
Why do we do this as women? The question being asked for centuries. Since I began blogging, I know exactly what you mean!
I know right?! I think it’s just part of our nature as women. It takes work for us not to compare.
Its interesting that women are so… hard on them selves & others. Mom-shaming is the worst. I personally am having trouble with my post pregnancy weight. My sister who just had a baby & back into her pre-baby jeans, tells me the weight just melts off. Now, my daughter is 6 months & my weight is not melting off. Now she gives me a hard time. Its so hurtful, but she thinks it motivating. I think every mom has her faults. For me, my fitness & health has gone to the way side as we nurse our premature daughter back to health. Sometime I think there is just not enough time for EVERYTHING.
I’m so sorry about your sister Autumn. Do not feel bad about that baby weight at all! It is there for a very good reason! We are all different and have different body types so she shouldn’t make you feel bad. I am right with you on having time. I have so much going in my life that something always falls by the wayside. As long as your family is #1 you’re doing good. 🙂
It is so hard to feel like an individual in today’s digital world. Sometimes I feel like that’s more the struggle than comparing myself. I feel sometimes that I can’t be accept for my own individuality because I don’t do this or that the way others do. Great post.
Angela @ Stepping into Motherhood
I think the comparison trap is a common and natural thing. It has become so much harder to cope with because of social media. We only see little peaks at people’s life. It’s easy to hide our imperfections. I think back to when I was working, I would do the comparison thing, but as we knew the people in real life it was easy to see how they weren’t perfect. It’s hard to hide when you are with the same people 40 hours a week. Now, as we work by ourselves and have my time to stew in negative thoughts, it’s easy for the comparisons to get the best of us.
Beautifully composed post. Thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend!
We just had a speaker visit my MOPS mom group with a very similar message! Isn’t it so true? We’re so busy shining and buffing our lives to look Pinterest perfect that we miss out on making real connections. We need to let our imperfections shine through and give ourselves a chance to be enough – just the way we are.
Thanks for this today!
There is so much outside stimuli and things to make us doubt ourselves. You’re so right that we need to take a step back and find our own joy and what makes us proud of our accomplishments.
This is such a lovely post, and so true! Thank you for sharing 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it Erin!
I couldn’t agree more. I think someone else commented with the quote ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and this is something that I try to remind myself of regularly. Especially when overwhelmed by the ‘perfection’ I see elsewhere. Great post x
This should be required reading for all young girls
Thanks Jeremy. 🙂
A great read for a morning where I seem to be moving backwards!
#theshinebloghop
Sharing this post because we all need this positive reminder from time to time. One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes happens to be “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” 🙂 -Elle