If you’re here looking for a “rah rah I birthed 2 babies and should be okay with the extra weight, blah blah blah” you might as well click away now. Because that isn’t what this post is all about.
This post is about why women need to stop making moms feel bad for wanting to look good after having a baby. The fit shaming needs to stop!
As of today, I am 4 months postpartum. I’ve lost all the baby weight and then some. I still have a long way to go to reach the fitness level I want to be at, but overall I’m happy with how far I’ve come. I’m hoping in the next 4 weeks I’ll see a major change from where I was when I started my postpartum fitness journey.
But here’s the thing.
I work HARD. My priorities are my family, followed closely by my health. I eat clean and work my butt off and it has paid off in spades. I stayed active during both my pregnancies and was able to lose the baby weight within weeks. Yes, part of that is due to genetics and a relatively high metabolism, but part of that is also due to the fact that I made it a point to focus on my eating and exercise.
I don’t spend hours a day working out, usually around 30 minutes. I make those 30 minutes count and usually I have my little workout buddies (the kids) with me. My daughter loves to workout with mama and I love that I’m setting a good example for her on how to be healthy and fit.
I see a lot of posts from women saying they are embracing their postpartum bodies. That they wish they could lose the extra 10 or 15 pounds they have left, but they are okay with the extra weight and are just focusing on being happy in their new bodies.
And you know what? Good for them! If you are okay being a bit heavier than you used to be that is totally fine with me.
But what I don’t like is when women are chastised for working hard and looking good after having a baby. A year or so ago a well known fitness blogger posted a photo of herself 6 months postpartum. She looked amazing! But when I read the comments on the photo I was appalled. Women were criticizing her for the way she looked, saying she probably didn’t spend any time with her kids and posting terrible comments not only about her body, but also about her character. She was sharing her postpartum journey as inspiration for other mothers in her position; to show them that if you work hard and eat right you can achieve your goals! I was disgusted with the women who were so mean and thoughtless with their comments. I can only hope to look as good as she did 2 months from now!
When all of us moms should be building one another up, so many tear down the moms who seem to care about how they look. And that does not sit well with me. I’ve made no qualms in saying that I don’t enjoy being pregnant. I have never embraced my growing belly; it’s just not in me. I like being fit and healthy. I like working out and fueling my body with whole foods. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.Read about why this mom is calling for the fit shaming to stop! Click To Tweet
So enough with the fit shaming! If you want me to cheer you on as you embrace your new body, then I hope you’ll cheer me on as I work hard to get mine back to where it used to be. Yes, it will never look the same. I have the badge of honor written all across my stomach to prove that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be lean and have muscle behind those stripes instead of fat. And I should never be made to feel bad about wanting that!
So yes, you’ll see posts from me talking about how I don’t have as much time to blog, or shower, or put on makeup. But you’ll never see a post from me saying I don’t have time to be healthy. Because for me, there are not many things more important than that. And I hope you’ll cheer me on as I work hard to get to the shape I want to be in. And I’ll continue to cheer you on as you focus on loving yourself. Because that’s what it’s all about; being happy in our own skin.
I love this! I definitely struggle with not feeling fit shamed and even using that as an excuse to not be healthy. Thank you for this post!
I’m so glad you liked it Lauren! We should never feel bad for wanting to be healthy.
I admire you for being so fit and healthy, my friend! It drives me nuts that with this as well as other topics, social media has given people (mean people) the avenue to chastise people. Mean comments like the ones you mentioned are just rude and uncalled for. Before social media, someone would have to say that to your face which means they most likely would not have said it. It shows their own insecurity. You are doing a fabulous job, Tiffany!
YES YES YES! That is my biggest beef with social media! These trolls hide behind their screens and feel like it gives them a free for all to be jerks! No ma’am, it does not.
I love everything you wrote here- I think it goes along with shaming in general and making assumptions about what someone is doing (or not doing) and it being wrong because it’s not what that person is doing. I’m not a mom, but you are always such an inspiration for making a healthy lifestyle a priority!
Preach it girl! Seriously it’s not even about being “skinny” it’s about being healthy mind and body. I know that if I don’t work out, I am not pleasant to be around. I need that mental health and me time. As a mom I can only imagine how much better you are for your children when you are taking care of yourself as well. Such a good message!
Thanks lady! And yes, yesterday was a perfect example. I hadn’t gotten my workout in by the time the hubs got home and I was an unhappy camper, lol!
Great post! I think it is their insecurities, like Kelly said. Which is too bad, because instead of being rude, we need to be encouraged or motivated to change if change is what we want. Otherwise, we need to be happy the way we are, and happy for them. I was just telling Dan yesterday, that I can’t believe the amount of rude people there are, and what they feel entitled to say… even to your face. It’s crazy.
It’s funny; the hubs and I actually talked about me adding that to the post (about insecurities). And I totally agree! It’s amazing to me that people can be so rude these days as well.
I think this should be read by all women! Such a good kick in the butt. I workout to feel good about myself and to spend sometime on myself. So wonderful to read! x
Thanks, Supal! My workout is my “me” time. Even if the kiddos are around, I still want to get it done. I just feel so much better afterward!
Girl – no judgement from me. Obvi I’m not a mom, but I am SO incredibly inspired by you. You work SUPER hard. I don’t think women should be shamed for any way they choose to live, but definitely not for staying fit. You rock, friend!
I am so proud of you for your success and for speaking out about this. Good for you, Tiffany! Your hard work inspires me. I, unfortunately, am 10 pounds up from my pre-baby weight. Luckily I was a bit underweight at that point, but I still was not happy that I didn’t have your determination to make my goals happen. Now that my sickness is somewhat subsiding, I’m obviously not focusing on weight, but I want this to be another fit pregnancy for me, and I want to come to you after this pregnancy for advice and encouragement.
Oh my goodness! I had no idea people were “fit shaming” other moms! That’s awful! Can’t everyone just mind their own business!? If you want to work hard and work out then way to go! I worked very hard after my first was born and felt great! It’s so sad that people would put someone else down for trying to be healthy!!
I’ve been reading so many posts lately about being “happy in your own skin” – not watching the scale, not caring about body shape and size. I used to feel this way but now I get frustrated by these blog posts.
I’m 10 lbs over my norm and 20 lbs over my ideal weight for my height. I’m tired, lethargic, and don’t have the stamina I used to have. I feel unhealthy and for the past couple of months I have been FIGHTING to get in shape again.
I also feel so frustrated because a number of these “free from weight watching” posts are written by woman who have bodies I would love to have. I like your take here because it’s honest and you share that you work HARD for what you have. It’s refreshing.
I know my metabolism sucks right now and I know it gets worse as we age. If people are shaming you for looking so good, I would say it’s out of sheer jealousy.
It’s tough being a mom in the era of social media. There’s always someone screaming that we could do better, be better, be someone we aren’t, etc. It’s exhausting (and one of the reasons why I don’t read as many blogs).
Thanks for sharing.
At 3 months postpartum, I’m just getting to the point now where I can exercise. I wasn’t allowed to during pregnancy and then had a very need/cranky baby those first 10 weeks or so. I was barely surviving and could rarely put the baby down. I honestly admire you for the fact that you’ve done so well so quickly! I do not understand any sort of mom shaming, especially fit shaming. What a ridiculous thing to make fun of someone for.
I’m glad you’re to the point where you can get some exercise in Julie! How you feel now is how I felt with my first; she was a super needy and fussy baby. It makes things difficult but you’ll get into a rhythm soon. Try to make a little time for yourself if you can.
YES YES YES! You know I’m right there with you. Now, I still have 5 pounds to go to hit prebaby weight but dangit, I’ll ramp up the workouts and I’ll add more veggies to my diet until it happens. And I won’t apologize for it. I remember I went to a yoga class 4 weeks postpartum and the first response I got was “but who’s with the baby?” not “hey Paige, so good to see you!” My babies are ALWAYS well taken care of. And just like you, I may not have time to wash my hair or apply makeup everyday, but hell yes I have time to workout! In fact, H has a fever so the gym is out of the question so I’ve pulled out the Tracy Anderson DVD for this afternoon and I know I’m going to be sore from her! Arms and leg day, here I come!
Yes! We make it happen! I don’t feel bad at all for spending a little time working out each day. I think I’m setting a good example for my kids; showing them what it’s like to be healthy and active. Active mamas are happy and healthy mamas! Glad you got some time with Ms. Anderson today. She’s brutal!
It all comes down to jealousy. I’m sure all the shamers would love to look good too, they just don’t want to put in the work so they point fingers instead. #shine
You are probably right Jeremy. Jealousy is an ugly thing that brings out the worst in some people unfortunately.
I think it’s amazing that you are where you’re at… its so true that hard work pays off!! I think we all just have to be happy with where we are and not worry about the haters. They chubby moms are going to tear down the fit moms because their jealous… Heck I wish I were fit and I wish I made exercise more of a priority but I don’t and I’m relatively happy being a little overweight for now. But I accept that it’s my own choice and I would never ever tear someone down for trying!! I celebrate your success and I think you are incredibly inspirational!
You’re right though. The fit shaming has to stop… I wish that women could just be happy with themselves and realize it’s not a fucking competition (excuse my language) we are all in this together and if there was more support and less comparison and jealousy being a mom and a wife and a friend would be so much easier!
Keep doing what you’re doing Tiffany! Xoxo
Thank you Tawnya! I totally agree that it’s not a competition. I’m doing what I’m doing because it makes me happy and makes me feel good. Everyone needs to spread more love and less hate and stop worrying about what others are doing.
I need to focus more with my physical therapy and exercising and eating in the morning I just get so down sometimes because I’ve gone through so much with my house and you snapped out of it but I do meditate great post
When we aren’t seeing the results we want it’s easy to get down. But if you can stick with it I know you’ll be well on your way to where you want to be physically!