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A Fit Mom's Life

Fitness, Health & Well-being

Family

A look back, 2 years later

April 23, 2014

When you think back on your life, do you ever think about moments that changed you as a person?  Moments that really define who you are today?  I know there are a few I can identify.  And some of them aren’t just events or moments in time, they are long, drawn out spans of time.  They are things that may have originated as a single event, but completely changed the course of my life.

Losing my little brother is one of those events.  And it’s not just his passing that changed me, it’s all the events in the 12 years leading up to his death that changed me.  But all those events were triggered by one action. One careless action by one person changed our lives forever.  The butterfly effect really is an amazing thing.

My brother didn’t have an easy life.  He had a great childhood.  We were buddies and spent a lot of time together, like siblings do, when we were kids.  But that one event that happened when he was 14 years old totally changed his life. And ours.

I think back on the times we had growing up.  Trips to Disneyland, Texas to visit family, endless road trips. Camping in our backyard, playing at the beach, driving through the Redwoods.  Spending the night in a hotel with our motor home in the parking lot because I was a spoiled brat and didn’t want to camp anymore (I was not a pleasant preteen to my parents.  Sorry Mom & Dad!).
We spent a lot of time camping when we were young.  Some of my fondest memories are with my family and all our friends, camping in the forest, riding dirt bikes, playing in the river.  My brother saved a little boys life on one of those trips.

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Those are the memories that stick the most. That’s the way I want to remember my brother.  Not as the torn, hurt, frustrated, addicted teen and adult he became.  It wasn’t his fault.  Yes, we all make choices that influence our future, but when you’re choices are limited, sometimes you don’t know how to choose the right one.

But that one event changed everything.  And every day I miss that smile.  I miss his free spirit.  I miss his singing and dancing.  I miss watching him play football and basketball.  I miss having my buddy.

But I still have those memories to look back on and remember the good times that we did have.

And on this day, 2 years later, I know he’s watching over us, over Little A, and I know that he’s free.  And he’s happy.  And that’s all I need on this day.

by Tiffany 

About Tiffany

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Comments

  1. Kelli @ A Deeper Joy says: April 23, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    Praying for you today, Tiffany. Thank you for sharing this. My heart hurts for you and your family. You are such a strong woman and I admire your heart. I love that you’re focusing on the good memories 🙂 That’s the best thing to do!

  2. Jessica Dimas says: April 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    Oh my gosh Tiffany, I am so, so sorry you lost your baby brother. I can only imagine what an impact it’s had in your life. I have a little brother too and I just can’t imagine losing him. It must have made you a much stronger and wiser person to have had to experience something like that so early in life. He’s definitely in a better, happier place.

  3. Suzanne says: April 23, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Hi Tiffany, I have had many moments that you speak of, that change you into a different person. I suppose that is one of the purposes of the pain that we experience here on Earth. I try to take the bad things and grow in some way from them. It is so hard at times though, especially when the pain is so bad and it doesn’t make sense of why it happened. I’m thinking of you and your family today. Hope you guys can find some peace.

  4. Amy St Pierre says: April 23, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    I can’t believe that two years have already gone by! Hang in there and try to cherish/focus on the great memories you had together as siblings. Take care today!

    • Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: April 23, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Thanks Amy. I know, 2 years has just flown by.

  5. Dawn Saros-Kirk says: April 24, 2014 at 1:56 am

    Sending hugs to you. ((HUGS))

    • Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: April 24, 2014 at 4:08 am

      Thanks Dawn! Much appreciated. 🙂

  6. Brittnei Washington says: April 24, 2014 at 4:08 am

    So sorry to hear about your brother. It’s never easy when we lose someone. I have a little brother who is a year younger and I don’t know how I can’t imagine how I would feel if he wasn’t here anymore. Sending hugs and much compassion your way my dear 🙂

    • Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: April 24, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Thanks Brittnei. You are a sweet friend. Losing someone at such a young age really makes it hard. I think about what his life may have been like and all he’s missing out on, but I know he’s watching over us. 🙂

  7. Jennifer - The Deliberate Mom says: April 24, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Oh Tiffany, I’m weeping. Death is hard and it echoes in our lives. Praying you continue to find comfort. I wish I could be there in person to hug you, to listen, and to cry with you if you need to cry. Know that I am here and I will be praying for you and your family.
    xoxo

  8. Becky {This Is Happiness} says: April 26, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    So sorry for your loss Tiffany. I lost my twin brother when we were 23yr and can relate a bit with some of your feelings. Sending hugs to you sweet friend. XO

  9. Abby at Just a Girl and Her Blog says: April 27, 2014 at 2:59 am

    Oh, Tiffany. I am so very sorry for your loss. That is so tough. Sending prayers and hugs to you across blogland!!! <3

    ~Abby =)

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