It seems more and more lately that everyone is asking when we’re having another baby. It’s been going on for awhile, but now that Baby A is almost 2, it’s becoming more frequent.
The thing is, I don’t really want another baby, or child rather. And that’s the thing; people think “Oh I really want another baby.” But you get a baby for only a short period of time, then they become a toddler, and a child and a teenager (lord help us). Baby A is the greatest thing in our lives, but let me tell ya, she is a handful. She was a fussy baby and is a busy and needy toddler. I can’t imagine having to take care of her AND a baby. The thought scares the poop out of me!
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I really do think about giving Baby A a little brother or sister; that ache in my uterus so to speak. But then I think, “Would I just be doing it for her? Do I really want another kid? Another human being to take care of?”
“You don’t want her to be an only child do you?” is what I get from a lot of folks. But let me tell ya, I know some really great only children, so I’m not concerned about her being spoiled or bratty. She’ll be that whether or not she has a sibling. And we have a ton of friends with kids her age so I’m not worried about her being lonely.
Also, I had a tough pregnancy, got terrible stretch marks and I don’t really want to go through that again. Selfish, I know. But that’s how I feel. I can just picture the stretch marks growing and running right up to my boobs (shiver). For someone who is very body conscious it’s a really crappy feeling.
And kids are expensive. College is outrageously expensive, and the cost of just raising a child to age 18 is out of this world. Our goal is to be able to pay for all of her college so when she’s done she doesn’t have to spend the next 10-15 years worrying about student loans. Who wants to come out of college already in debt? Not fair really. I want her to have a fresh start and be able to buy a house if she wants, or travel. If we have the ability to provide her with a great education then that is what we want to do. I want to give her as many opportunities as we can and unfortunately money is a huge part of that these days.
Plus, she is really integrated into our lives already. We can go places easily and I’m not out numbered. I have this vision of being in the grocery store and both kids start throwing temper tantrums; screaming and kicking, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Nightmare.
And you’re going to say I’m being completely irrational when I say this, but sometimes I think, “I have this perfect, beautiful little girl. What if I don’t get so lucky the next time?” I know that’s not something people like to think about, and the chances of it happening are slim, but I think about it. A lot. I know, my thoughts are all over the dang place. But that’s what I do…I think.
|Newborn Baby A|
I feel so lucky and blessed with the wonderful family that I have, that I think I’m really ok with only having one child. But who knows, maybe a year from now my tune will change. The grandparents can only hope right?!
It is amazing how often people ask about when you are going to have kids. Then as soon as you have one they ask if you’re done. We had babies 13 months apart. People are still asking if we are done. Good post. There is nothing wrong with stopping at one if that’s what you should choose. Our second actually did have some health problems which makes things even busier. Good Luck!
It really is amazing! I always thought I wanted 2 kids no matter what, but things change and people change. Whatever choice you make is the right one for you and only you I’ve learned.
Thanks for the comment Kate!