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A Fit Mom's Life

Fitness, Health & Well-being

Life

How we’ve lost the art of “friendship”

August 1, 2013

I don’t often write about articles I read, but in the July/August 2013 issue of Women’s Health an article entitled “{girl} friends with benefits” really made me think. The article states how important forging and maintaining real friendships is key to our health and happiness; but we’ve lost sight of how to do it.

Whether it be because of Facebook or not, what we call a “friend” these days has changed.  The article states that people are “collecting more acquaintances but don’t really have time for true friendships.”  That we’re actually starting to get lonelier.

I don’t know if it’s happened with age, but I definitely feel this in my life.  I don’t see my close friends nearly as much as I used to.  Yes our lives have changed, yes we live further apart, but I know I’m not alone when I say I’m guilty of not making time to foster those friendships.

The article says that 40% of Americans feel more comfortable socializing online than face-to-face.  Honestly this statistic doesn’t surprise me.  I never thought I’d be more comfortable texting than actually calling someone to chat, but with some friends that’s the case.  I used to HATE texting.  Now I do it more than talking.

I really noticed the lack of “friendship” when I started this blog.  I asked my Facebook friends to “like” the Facebook page that I started for A Touch of Grace.  Of my almost 400 “friends” do you know how many likes I got?  Maybe 40 the first time I asked.  I got a few more the 2nd time around, but I was amazed and totally disappointed by these people who I have as “friends.”  Remind me the next time you want me to donate to your cause that you couldn’t even click 1 button to support me free of charge.

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The article also goes on to say that spending time with your girlfriends can “lower blood pressure, reduce the risk for depression, and create a sense of well-being.”  One study says that “having a pitiful social life is as bad as (or worse than) being an alcoholic, smoking 15 cigarettes a day, or being obese!”  Seriously?!  Well then why the heck are we not spending more time with our girls?!  I know I’m never great at scheduling things.  I make excuses all the time.  “They live too far.  I need to spend time with Baby A.  Work is crazy right now.”  But in reality, I see Baby A every single day.  Spending one afternoon/evening with my girls isn’t going to make her resentful of me.  Yes she changes quickly but she’s not going to look like a different person overnight.  And yes, some of my girlfriends may live far, but I drive almost an hour to work every day.  I’m sure I can drive a decent distance for a few hours of girl time every so often.

And don’t forget to pick up the phone and call.  Go that extra mile (ha! extra mile.  Since when did making a phone call to a friend constitute going the extra mile?!) and dial their number and talk.  Sometimes just hearing your friend’s voice is all you need to turn a bad day around.

So to my girlfriends that are reading this, let’s make it a point to talk and see each other more often.  I’ll do my best to schedule time and I hope you do the same.

Happy Thursday y’all!

by Tiffany 

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Comments

  1. Amy says: August 1, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    Well said! I feel the same way and get so wrapped up in work, gym time and working on the house I forget to make time for myself and girls. Thanks for reminding me that time with the girls is needed!! I’ll text you later to plan something fun 🙂

  2. Jennifer - The Deliberate Mom says: August 1, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    I just wrote about how technology is changing us and this is one of the seven changes that I’ve noticed.

    When I started my Facebook page over two weeks ago, 16 of my 77 friends liked my page. It was disappointing, so I can completely identify with you.

    I have a few good friends… I appreciate your reminder to do things with them.

    Wishing you a blessed day.
    xoxo

  3. Jessica Tonka says: August 2, 2013 at 3:31 am

    It’s sad but true 🙁 Although, I would say that I think you do a pretty darn good job of keeping in touch and getting together with your friends. That’s one reason I really appreciate you as a friend. We do need to get more face-time but it is difficult now that we have kids and we work, etc. Although things like Facebook might make it easy to lose that more personal connection, in some ways I think it helps keep us connected more than we would. Can’t wait to see you in about a week!!

  4. Candace says: March 26, 2015 at 5:43 am

    I can so relate to this, Tiffany! As I’ve gotten older and been focused on my family, friends were put on the back burner. My children are growing fast and now I actually have a little time for friends. Unfortunately I’ve moved a lot and lost touch with most of my people. I’m also an introvert so the online community has been wonderful for me :). Real life friends are so important though. I’m a huge texting fan too, but I agree we need to make actual calls too.

  5. motherhoodtherealdeal says: March 26, 2015 at 6:29 am

    Gosh I have been thinking this so much recently! I think social media and things like whatsapp have made us lazy and as a result friendships have drifted as opposed to being more connected as such technology has promised. We need to get back to the old fashioned ways…#shinebloghop

  6. christina says: March 26, 2015 at 7:13 am

    This is so true! I can especially relate to the disconnect/disappointment felt over the lack of likes on my FB page from friends. I said the same thing…wait until they need support for something. Although I will probably still support them knowing me, lol..
    Although it may not be as ‘real’, thank goodness for the connections we make through blogging.
    Thank you for sharing and hosting!

  7. Ping~The Laotian Chic says: March 26, 2015 at 8:28 am

    This really speaks to my heart as well. I used to hate the phone but now I’m on it most of my time because of my ‘friends’ on FB. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this and making the extra mile to go out and visit. Especially when one of my them lives in India. Plan to visit her once a year. Yep, nothing like seeing each other face to face. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post Tiffany!

  8. Jasbir | beeraycoffeethoughts says: March 26, 2015 at 8:58 am

    Six degrees of separation. Although I don’t know you but I felt like I was reading my own article which I wrote for a magazine. It also speaks about how I have lost the art of being connected. I am so part of that 40% you mentioned and yes, my friends too found it hard to click like when k started my FB page. Many ignore what I share too because maybe being online has changed me.

  9. Donna Stone says: March 26, 2015 at 9:22 am

    Good friends are hard to find. It seems like in today’s world no one values friendship anymore. I appreciate my online friends, but I would like to see more of my local friends sometimes.

  10. debsrandomwritings says: March 26, 2015 at 11:30 am

    Hi Tiffany, I love the pictures of you with your friends…I don’t have many real friends and I have started thinking that I should really start making more of an effort over and above the phone chats we do have. It’s not as if I do much social mediaering either. I just always seem to be busy and getting together never happens.

    I don’t really do FB, but both my children do and from the time they opened their accounts I made it quite clear that people on there aren’t their friends unless they are their friends in real life, which they seem to have understood.

    For me the best friendships are the ones that tick along in the background and are not full on and overly demanding.

  11. K. Renae P. says: March 26, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Such awesome, fun pictures with your friends.

    Good friends make the world go ’round if you ask me. Sometimes spending time with friends is the best rejuvenater.

    I decided not to make my blog a big deal with my friends. I didn’t want to be disappointed if they weren’t as excited about my blog as I was. Oddly enough, I love when they bring up something I wrote or share a post. They do this not because I asked but because they wanted to.

    It doesn’t happen often, but it is very special when it does. I love my crazy friends.

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