Learning patience & level setting expectations with a 2 year old

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am glad it’s Monday. We had a LONG weekend here at the Huebner house. We did had some fun though, doing a little shopping on Saturday, and then lots of yard work on Sunday. We’ve had flood warnings for the past few days, so I’m hoping the rain will let up this week so we can dry out.

It was a difficult weekend though. Little A is in the middle of the terrible 2s, and they are no joke. She can be the sweetest thing one minute and a screaming banshee the next; crying, screaming, swatting at your face. I know she’s just trying to communicate her feelings, but it is SO frustrating!

They say patience is a virtue. I would like to think I am a patient person, but admittedly (and most people do) I have a small list of exceptions: people driving 50 in the left lane, people that turn without signaling, people that litter their cigarette butts, people whose dogs pee in my yard…or poop anywhere and the owners don’t pick it up, destructive behavior, general stupidity and a lack of common sense, hoarding, mediocrity, red lights, semis on the pass (by pass I mean mountain pass), slow checkout lines at the grocery store (or any line that my husband picks for that matter), erratic walkers, television commercials…..and the newest addition to the list……..2 year old tantrums and general defiance of authority.

Little A is a very, very smart little girl. I try not to say that too much because I don’t ever want to come across as bragging about my child, or be off putting. But she really is (I’m trying to embrace this more and be ok with saying that my child is smart. I’m proud of all she knows and how fast she learns at such a young age). She’s been speaking in full sentences since before she was 18 months old and has a memory like I’ve never seen. She can identify all the letters of the alphabet (not just by saying her ABCs, she can actually see a random letter and know what it is) and she can count to 100. She can spell her name and is writing letters. The girl knows a lot.

That is part of the reason why I lose patience with her so fast. Because she is so smart I expect her to understand and be calm and collected. I expect her to act like an older child than she is. I have to remind myself that although she may be smart, she is still only 2 years old. And she is still going to do a lot of things that 2 year old’s do. And that includes throwing fits, fussing, crying for no reason. The list goes on and on. She has gotten pretty good at understanding sadness and fear, but she hasn’t quite grasped the more complicated emotions, nor has she learned how to express them in what we consider an acceptable manner.

She may look sweet in this photo, but right after this she was a screaming monster because I wanted to get out of bed.

Her nanny gets these learning boxes from the library that have different themes to them. Numbers, pets, seasons, transportation, etc. There is a box on emotions that we had recently, but I think I’ll have her request it again so we can really take our time with the more difficult emotions. Like I said, she understands sadness. She is so sweet when she knows I’m upset or sees me crying. She rubs my cheeks and says, “Mommy, why are you sad? Please don’t cry.” (Which usually makes me cry more because it’s so adorable.) And she’ll tell me to take a deep breath (because that’s what we tell her to do when she’s getting upset.) It’s funny how she can identify emotions in other people, but has a hard time grasping them in herself. She’s going to be an empathetic and compassionate person. I can already see that.

She’s getting very good at her yoga poses.

So I’m writing this post for myself. As a way to hold myself accountable to level-setting my expectations with her. To learn that 2 year olds will act out, but it’s how we respond to that behavior that can influence their future behavior. If we constantly yell, she’ll grow immune to it and may grow up to yell at her own children one day. I do not want that. I want her to grow up in a calm and respectful environment. I want her to know it’s ok to express her feelings, but I want to help her learn the right ways to express those feelings. I want her to know it’s ok to be upset about something, but it’s not ok to scream and hit. I want her to know she is always free to express herself, to talk to us, to really tell us how she’s feeling. But I want to teach her the best way to do that. I want her to really understand her feelings and be able to calmly identify them.

I need to learn myself. I need to learn to be calm and patient with her. Not get frustrated when she doesn’t listen, or when she is trying to express herself. I need to love her through those times. I need to make it a teaching moment. I’m vowing to be a better mother to my daughter by doing this. I hope one day I can look back and be proud that she did grow up to be that compassionate and empathetic person I see in her already.

Comments

farmfreshfamily says: March 10, 2014 at 9:29 pm

Patience is a virtue, but it’s also a skill that requires practice and attention. Good for you for recognizing that while your daughter may be very intelligent, she is still just a two year old emotionally. I feel like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster everyday with my two year old!
- Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: March 11, 2014 at 3:34 pm
  
  Thanks so much! It really is a roller coaster isn’t it?! I wish I had more natural patience, but I guess learned patience is just as good right? 🙂
Lulu Abruzzo says: March 10, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Oh boy do I know about it! Ralph is 19 months and already in terrible 2’s. Alfie was laid back until he was 3 and we had an, erm, challenging year! Ralph is a different personality though. He is too smart at times. It’s so hard when they’re like this. xx
- Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: March 10, 2014 at 8:59 pm
  
  I feel like these terrible 2s are never going to end. Her’s hasn’t been going on too long, but long enough to make me feel like a crazy person.
  
  Good luck with your little one as well!
  xoxo
Jennifer - The Deliberate Mom says: March 10, 2014 at 8:23 pm

Your Little A reminds me so much of my oldest. One thing that I learned fast is that intellectual intelligence is completely different than emotional intelligence. It takes time and eventually you’ll wonder when all the tantrums suddenly came to an end.

My oldest needed choices. She had to (and still has to) feel some control over what is happening. Every child is different.

I like that you are starting to feel comfortable with saying your child is smart. I once had someone tell me to never talk about my kids to other moms because they would hate me in an instant. It’s unfortunate that my first few years of parenting, I actually abided by that thinking and ended up never chatting about things that were challenging.

Hugs to you mama. This is a journey… a lifelong one. Your education is just beginning but it’s the most important one you’ll ever get.
xoxo
Vivian Cheng says: March 11, 2014 at 5:52 am

I love your post. It’s a good reminder for me that yelling is not the best solution. I have to remember that my kids are only 3 and almost 6. I have been yelling at them a lot because they can’t seem to hear me otherwise. I myself will need to be patience, which is a lot easier said than done. I feel you mama… hang in there. Lots of hugs to you and baby A. I miss seeing you guys. Hoping everything is well with you and your family. ~Vivian C
- Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: March 11, 2014 at 3:36 pm
  
  Aw thanks Vivian! I do worry that she’ll become immune to yelling and you’re right, sometimes it seems like they aren’t listening so yelling is what we resort to. It takes a lot of work on our part, but I think in the end it will be worth it.
  Miss you guys as well! 🙂
  xoxo
Jessica Dimas says: March 12, 2014 at 5:56 am

I can totally relate to this post. Piggie’s tantrums started when he was 2 and now at 3 he still has them at times but mainly he’s FULL of attitude. Which is normal but OMG…makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes. I think it’s great that you wrote this as a reminder for how you want to teach and guide her through these “terrible twos”. Ahaparenting.com is one of my favorite sites to reference when I’m feeling overwhelmed. That photo of you two in bed is super cute, btw!!
Clare Swindlehurst says: March 25, 2014 at 12:30 pm

Totally relate – my daughter is 15 months old and has been a master of temper tantrums for some months now. I have been teaching her baby sign language to try and ease her frustrations but she is really too little to let me know what is wrong so she just has a tantrum. It can be so frustrating at times and I often blame myself for being a bad mother, but then her twin brother is laid back and only gets upset when he’s overtired so it can’t be the way I’m raising them! I think she takes after me which makes it even harder as we wind each other up sometimes!
- Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says: March 25, 2014 at 2:58 pm
  
  That is so hard Clare! When they are that young it’s hard for them to communicate their feelings. It really is amazing how different siblings can be isn’t it? My mom and I are very much alike (as much as I hate to admit that) and were always at each other’s throats when I was younger. You want them to be like you and want to be your friend, but when they are it can just be a disaster at times.
  I’m sure it will get better. Even now my daughter has gotten a little better (but I think I’ve learned a bit more patience as well).
  Thanks for taking the time to comment!