Lately, I’ve been feeling wrung out. I’m exhausted in the mornings and want nothing to do with getting out of bed, except for the fact that I have 2 little ones that need my attention. I’m maybe getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep each day. The dark circles are getting darker and I’m seeing some new lines appear on my face.
When I hear the baby start to stir in his bed next to me each night, I struggle to get out of bed to feed him. I go through the motions of trying to get him back to sleep (paci in his mouth, swaddle him back up), but it never works and I end up picking him up, taking him to the rocking chair in our room, and nursing him back to sleep. But it’s in those moments while we rock in the dark that I try to remember that these days are limited. Soon enough he won’t need me to feed him every 3 hours. He won’t need mama when he’s tired and trying to fall asleep. He won’t need to be rocked and burped when he has an upset tummy.
It’s in these moments that I try to remember that I’m going to miss these days. When I’m in the thick of it, completely exhausted and drained of energy, I can’t wait to get EJ to sleep through the night. I forget that soon enough he will be sleeping through the night and I’ll sneak into his room to watch him sleep, missing those quiet moments in the dead of the night where it was just him and me.
Right now I’m struggling to find a balance. I’m missing time for myself, time with my hubby. I feel like my blog is dying a slow death because I have no time to devote to it like I should. I feel guilty if I take the time to run up to the computer to check my email or type something up (mom guilt is a bitch). But this is just a moment in time. These days will be long gone before I know it and I’ll be longing to get them back. So even though I’m worn out and wishing for a few hours to myself, wishing I had time to work on my business, I’m trying to slow down time as much as possible and cherish these days. I’m taking in all the baby smiles, all the coos and even all the sad lips. Because one day I’m gonna to miss this.
I can only imagine the exhaustion that is being a mom, but what an amazing gift! And even though your frustration might grow high at times, what great insight to be able to stop and realize that you’ll miss this while you’re still in this stage.
It really is Carly! That’s why I just try to keep it all in perspective and remember that when he’s 9 or 10 and doesn’t want to snuggle with mama anymore that I’ll at least have these days to look back on.
Hang in there! I too struggle with balancing everything and the guilt that comes along with working and trying to manage family time. I’m already missing those early days when missy would let us hold her and she’d sleep on us. Now she’s miss sassy pants and won’t sit still.
With my second one, I remember sitting up at night crying while I nursed him, because I was so tired. Plus I think my hormones were still out of wack. Not getting enough sleep or time for yourself is no joke! You are right though… this is just a passing phase and you will miss it. Hang in there, lady! You’re a great Mama! xo
Thanks Jenny! Even though I miss time for myself I knew it would be like this. I mean after all I chose to have kids right? 🙂 And taking in all these little moments is making it all worthwhile.
I can only imagine that feeling, but I know that time passes so quickly. I think all of us need to focus on the things that are special in our lives. In the end, what really mattered?
Exactly! I don’t want to look back and think, “Man, I wish I’d focused on my kids more when they were little.” How selfish! It’s just hard when you’re in the thick of things.
I’m not sure how I feel about posts like this… On the one hand, I get it. It might be true to miss those late night snuggles, but frankly I haven’t missed them with either of my kids. I’d much prefer all the daytime snuggles I get from both my boys! No need to wake mommy for extra “snuggles” kids, thanks.
What I fear it does is quiet the side of you that needs help! It’s NOT bad (nor does it make you a bad mama) to want to work on your business or to get help because you’re tired. Those feelings need to be recognized and validated! So when people say, “You’ll miss those exhausting years!” I have to roll my eyes and silently tell them to shut the eff up. I didn’t miss it with my toddler. Haven’t missed the late night nursing sessions with Otto since he began to sleep through the night. And you know what? The newborn/first 6 month phase of having a baby is the ONLY reason we might not have a third. It’s terrible! It’s exhausting! It’s stressful on a marriage! You don’t get any alone time! You don’t get to shower regularly, much less have a minute to put on some make up! Your postpartum body is depressing! No date nights when you’re EBFing! What’s there to miss again?
I agree, it’s not bad to want to have some time for myself, but I don’t want to look back and wish that I’d focused more on them when they were little. I struggled with the newborn/infant phase with A, but am loving it with EJ. He’s just such a good baby! And even though I’m tired and have those moments of wishing I had more time for me (like I wish I could get up earlier to do a bit of work…but…tired), overall I can’t complain too much. After all, I chose to have babies and stay home, right?
Aww I love that photo of you and E 🙂 You’re a great mama! I can’t imagine how tired you must be. He and A are lucky little kiddos!
Thanks Kelli! I just love them to pieces.
Awww, I hear you! You echoed some of the things I felt (especially with my youngest because I knew she would be my last baby). It’s so hard but you’ll get through. Keep drawing strength from loving your beautiful children and your blog will be here… little E won’t be at this stage ever again… enjoy.
Wishing you a lovely weekend (with perhaps a nap or two thrown in for good measure)!
xoxo
Thanks Jennifer. Even though I have moments like this, I feel pretty lucky to be their mama. Motherhood is definitely a constant battle of emotions that’s for sure!
Grace to you friend. Grace in the season you are in <3
Thanks Caroline!
Perfectly said 🙂 And it’s totally okay to slow down for a while!
Ah this is the sweetest post ever. I think this sort of reminder can be good for anyone really. There are times where I get aggravated with living in a different country, but then should look at these nuances as moments of growth and laugh about how I used to find things difficult. Kindddaaaa the same thing.
That’s a great viewpoint Supal. I totally agree. There are so many moments I can think back on and remember that they were just moments in time; and now they are memories. I don’t want to forget these moments with him.
You are More than right about all this. I believe all of us Mothers struggle in not only finding even just a few moments to ourselves, but also in remembering these times will pass. All of the discomfort, the exhaustion, the noise, the neediness will be gone one day. One day well sit and write or type or talk with others as we wonder what to do with ourselves and our days, even if we manage to build a business while our littles are little. :mama hugs:
Yes! I never want to look back and think I didn’t do enough as a mama; or that I focused too much on myself, when I know I’ll have plenty of time for myself in the future. They are only this age for a short window of time. I want to take it all in; exhausting moments and all.